2017

A long overdue post indeed, time just really flies doesn’t it? Ended 2016 with a bang at wavehouse and it has indeed been a fulfilling night. I can’t believe that I’m turning 20 this year, seems like an age where I should know my shit but how much of it do I really? That aside, did my annual ritual to check out my 2017 Libra horoscope and here’s what it said.

If you are single, then this is your year to find love, Cupid’s arrow could strike you at any moment but give yourself plenty of time when considering commitment with someone you have just met. It would be good to plan out your budget wisely and increase your assets(savings and investments) as well as the money you have on call on a daily basis. You should be in line for a pay increase, a better paying position or else a new source of income will open up for you. As far as your work goes, you can take a chance and make a calculated risk. This could be around setting up your own business and taking a punt on your own talents or else having the courage and the confidence to aim for that job that may not just be one step up the ladder but several rungs above where you currently stand.

Anyways back to this, I decided to chop my hair off back in December and although I’m digging my new hairstyle I kind of miss my long hair at times. It’s scary how I have less than 2 months to end of polytechnic, and less than 5 months till I start working. As of now, I’m not even asking for much. Please just let me graduate with ease in May and find a decent paying job to get me started. I have so many things to save up for and not to mention I have to start paying back my school fees since I used CPF to pay.

We’ll see where 2017 takes us and I really hope to achieve more things this year. Yes I know, cliché to post your resolutions but hey there’s no harm in it.

  • Accomplish at least 3 things I have never done before
  • Learn a new language and stick through with it
  • Fall in love without fear.

Here we go again. I’m ready for you 2017.

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坂本 美智子.

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25 more days./

It’s the last day of October already. School has started, and it’s so surreal that I’m graduating after this last Semester to go. At this point I really ain’t giving two shits about my GPA anymore, I’m satisfied as long as I graduate with a GPA of 3.0. I often wonder how much of all this am I really even gonna use eventually, only time will tell I guess. I honestly can’t imagine myself working in a research lab anymore after the experience from my intern. Let’s just make the most out of this last Semester and enjoy the thereafter. Speaking of which, am in dire need to work to contribute to my graduation trip funds. I need to pay for my dance classes too, and costumes what not. Bless my soul :\ If only a wad of cash would drop from the sky for my right now. November, production month, I sure as hell ain’t ready for it yet. Consistently reminding myself for what am I even doing this for when every time I consistently feel so beaten down. Dance not to impress, but for someone to remember you. Slow progress is better than no progress, believe in your craft. Do your best in everything from now on, otherwise it would just be a waste of time, be it dance or not.

The consistent heaviness on my heart is taking a toll on me. I feel so suffocated yet at the same time it’s best to just stick to the status’ quo. I don’t want to disturb your life. I shall just continue with watching you from the sides. I hope I get over this real soon.

25 more days, leggo!

坂本 美智子.

Reflection

It has been 3 years since I started dancing, yes there were improvements made or what not but I feel like I have been progressing too slow in terms of dance capability. I’ve seen people get to where I am or even better than where I am at now, in a much shorter period of time and I often wondered what was it that I was doing wrong? Why is it that I’m not progressing as much and as fast as I would like to. I pride myself as a hip-hop dancer but recently I feel like I have been losing the essence of it. I am planning torevisit  my basics and seriously get down to the drill of it be it groove, isolations or what not. 5 months from now and let’s see what I end up with.

No excuses, no laziness, no procrastination. Hardwork is key in this, amidst all the hunger for improvement, constantly remind yourself with the fun and joy you feel when you dance.

I believe in you, you have your friends who believe in you too. Let’s do this! 

September.

My dance journey has definitely been fulfilling the past few months despite its ups and down. Words can’t even express how honoured I am to be part of NRA Neko and how proud I am of us for clinching that gold not just for us or NRA, but also for Tina and Summer as well. Such blessing to have been able to be part of this journey with them despite my initial saltiness for not getting into the hip-hop item. It definitely was not an easy journey for us but we did it. (‘: Everything stills feels surreal even up to this point, and honestly I would give anything to relive that moment again.But it’s time to look forward and achieve even greater things Clarabelle Ang. Really appreciate every single person that has been there for me throughout this journey. Not just S24, but also SDD & RPresenting 9 with Justin coaching us. It has been long since I did a more hip-hop piece and I’m honestly glad to have done it despite my basics being so damn bad and my stamina being like shit. Now that competition season is over for 2016, it’s time for our student production. Honestly, it’s not that I’m not appreciative of what I have but there are just some things that you place higher expectations on; and it just sucks to the core when you don’t get it. It brings you down to a whole new level, especially when it’s not just once or twice but repetitively that I don’t get into the item I want. It made me question myself, why didn’t I get into that? Where am I lacking? I keep telling myself that sometimes it’s just not meant to be and that when one door closes, another would open in the near future. But it’s been a month and I’m still damn salty about it honestly. Regardless, I’m definitely still going to put in effort for that one item I’m in and make it a good last production for myself. Even though it seems like I’m under performing in some areas.. Finally managed to bring some positivism back into my life recently though as I have been working on my freestyle. Improvement is definitely snail pace for me,but at least I got confirmation that I’m doing good working on my craft. Such a small encouragement can make such a huge impact on someone like me, especially I was so afraid of free-styling in front of people. Now that I just made the decision to  join an upcoming battle in 2 weeks time, let’s just make the most out of it alright Clarabelle Ang? Nobody said it was easy.

On a side note, my 19th birthday was well celebrated with my close friends and family. Nothing big but most of the people I cherish were there for me and I’m happy with that.

坂本 美智子.

Give it your all.

It’s already the 1st of July. Less than 24 hrs to S24 competition, like seriously. I feel so blessed to have been given the chance to be a part of Neko, and to learn under Tina and Summer. So much love and selflessness in the group, everyone’s come a long long way. And tomorrow, it will definitely be our time to shine. I want to do Tina and Summer proud, and also do those people who believe in me proud. No regrets on that stage tomorrow Clarabelle Ang! #nranekiyosquad #leggo

坂本 美智子.

5 months in..

After getting shitty results for Y2S2, I started my internship almost immediately. It really sucks to not be able to travel for the whole of this year, but it’s alright, I’m going to save up for my graduation trip. I’ve had namely 3 places in mind; Taiwan, Japan or Korea. All Asian countries which my travel buddy doesn’t really appreciate so she suggested New Zealand. It’s definitely an awesome place to go too, but it’s gonna cost more without a doubt. I’ve a feeling that I might end up going on 2 trips. So, I guess I have to start saving and the more I should go and audition as a scare actor for USS Halloween Horror Nights. Seems like it would be interesting, but I really hope that I would be able to manage working with intern-fyp.

Talking about intern-fyp, shit just got real man. Like literally! My partner and I have to recruit test subjects for our study and basically, collect fecal samples at various time-points throughout the study. How gross can it get right? I literally went ‘dear god’ as I realised what my project is about. I guess we have to get our shit together (literally xD) and hang in there till this whole thing, which is gonna last all year round, ends. #sighpie At least I have my partner with me I guess..? Sometimes I still wonder if I regret choosing the poly route, especially since I realised that I might not be able to afford university tuition fees. (not that my GPA is that great either) I really wonder how different my future would be if I went JC instead, but it’s too later to dwell on it anyways. I managed to meet great people at poly, so it’s all cool. Let’s just move on and never look back.

So apart from intern-fyp, I recently took part in 2 dance competitions, SDD and Rpresenting9. We trained for about 1 and a half month and even though we didn’t get through to finals for SDD, I feel that I have indeed improved and learnt alot from this journey. We may not be good enough yet, but what’s more important is that with every experience you gain, you grow. Next time, or maybe even next next time, we’ll get there I believe. It’s never an easy route. No regrets because I definitely gave my all and it was our best run thus far. As for Rpresenting9, we managed to get into finals but didn’t place top 3. Mixed feelings about this one because I felt like one of the judges didn’t understand our item, thus couldn’t appreciate the dance as much as we would have liked him to. (It’s fine though because we received a very big encouragement from another judge) We’ll just have to practice even harder >< Really appreciative towards Justin for guiding us through all this and still being there for us even after we graduated for a few years. Till our next competition together.. (: My next competition would be S24 which would be happening in July. This is my first time attempting street jazz as a genre for a competition. Such an eye opener, definitely will do my best and learn from this journey too from 2 awesome choreographers. I aim for us to get top 3 for S24. Looks like I’m really going all out for dance this year, I never felt so alive as tired as I truly am. Such irony, but being able to fight for your passion is really a blessing.

I’ve always tried to look at life with an easygoing manner, whereby things that are meant to be will be, and those that aren’t just let it be. No point rushing into things or forcing things out. Same goes for relationship, no matter how much you yearn it, you just have to go with the flow and then the right one will come. I’m just afraid that I mistaken the feeling of liking someone’s companionship as the feeling of liking someone. The older I get, the more wary I get and the more questions and “requirements” I have. I just want to love fiercely and freely. Is this what modern dating is? If so, I really want nothing to do with it. Can’t I just meet someone and fall in love gradually just like in the story books? I guess fantasy and reality can never fall on the same page. I recently met someone, but I’m so confused. I’m stuck in the vicious cycle of liking his company, to missing him, to really wanting to have nothing to do with him. I like him enough to want to kiss him, but is this all there is to that? He seems so certain that I’m the one for him, but I’m far from being so sure. So many what ifs in my mind, since when did I become such a critical person?

Anyway, I’m taking my time during the competition period to confirm my feelings and all. I just don’t want this to be a waste of our time, nor do I want to hurt his feelings. Time will tell I guess? Ugh.. I hate modern dating like seriously. Someone put me into a 1000 years coma thanks, so I can just live in my fantasy world. :\ As if.

I’ll try to update more often. I’m just… too lazy ._.

坂本 美智子.

Good luck, bad luck. Too soon to tell..

2016 really started with a bang. With a bang indeed, what I had thought was good luck turned out to hit me in the face instead. With a momentary happiness of 1 day, bad things started to fold out throughout the month. First was, I didn’t get into any of the committee that I wanted to join. I really don’t know what went wrong but obviously it affected me in more ways than one. Haven’t exactly got the time to properly “grief” about it, but oh wells life is progressing at a much too fast pace for me to even stop and think about it. I guess it has it’s pros and cons, save me the time to stop and think too much.Life is progressing at such a fast pace where everything is thrown at me that I have to learn to react and adapt even faster, without lifting much emotions. I feel like a machine now. Only thing that’s keeping me alive is dance… I hope that is not taken away from me too.

坂本 美智子.